… to children in Singapore, about the sad incident of a student killed at school
Dear children,
On Monday 19 July, something terrible happened. A student died in his secondary school. Police say he was killed by another student. Many people were stunned by this news. You may have been too.
One day, we may have the full details of this tragic story. Even then, it will be hard to make sense of it all. Not every question will be answered. Regardless, each of us can decide to deal with sad news in healthy ways. Let me suggest how you can do this.
Tune in to your feelings.
People suspect that one child attacked the other with an axe. It is shocking to hear such news. At such times, it is very natural to be sad, angry, and scared all at the same time. Whether you are a boy or a girl, cry if you want to. You don’t have to pretend by putting on a smiling face.
Bottling up your emotions is not healthy. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. To do this properly, make some time for yourself in a quiet place where you can connect with what is going on inside you.
It is good to share your thoughts and feelings with others. If you prefer not to, write them down or draw pictures. You can even write a letter to yourself about what you are going through. These are little steps that can help you to take charge of yourself rather than letting your feelings rule you.
Ask for adult help when you need it.
When there are questions that you and your friends can’t answer, ask adults. Some kids may wonder whether they will be safe at school. Or, whom they can trust. And, how they can protect themselves if someone attacks. These are good questions. There are answers, but how will you find out if you don’t ask?
Some kids get flashbacks of what they have been through or seen others going through (even on TV). A flashback is a replay in your mind of a past scene. But, it can feel like it is really happening all over again. Likewise for nightmares. These are our body’s ways of dealing with harsh situations. They are alright as long as you can still go on with your life without being bothered by them. However, if they upset you badly, you don’t have to suffer alone. Ask for help.
What if you are the one who feels like hurting others? In that case, you really should get help to make sure you don’t do it.
There are psychologists and counsellors who have special training to help kids deal with such challenges. Ask your parents/guardians and teachers about them. You can also talk to Tinkle Friend by calling 1800 2744 788 or chatting online at https://www.tinklefriend.sg/.
However hard we try, there is no way to protect everyone from all dangers all the time. We can, though, try our best.
Ideally, no one should ever get hurt at school. Yet, we know that this is not always the case. So, do whatever you can to make your classroom community kinder and more caring. Don’t use put downs or sarcasm. Don’t laugh at mean jokes. When you see even small acts of bullying, report them to your teacher. If someone makes a threat or mentions suicide, you must tell your teacher immediately.
When there is a crisis, it is important for everyone to pull together. We can learn from the way River Valley High School handled their crisis. They showed us what is means to be a community. At your school too, you have adults who will try their very best to keep all of you safe. And, know that the larger community surrounding your home and school, the police and other first responders are looking out for you as well.
Have compassion.
When terrible things happen, there is a place for compassion too.
Naturally, we feel very sad for the victim’s family, for the other students there, and for the adults who put aside their own feelings to deal with the crisis. The family of the boy who has been arrested must be suffering too — they deserve our compassion. And, if we want to be a truly caring society, we ought to feel pity for the boy accused of murder. Have no doubt, it was wrong that a student has died. Whatever the judge decides in court, the accused boy’s life will never be the same again. When we look with compassion even at this boy, we may be able to see more clearly how we can prevent this ever happening again.
Finally, my wish for you is that you will always still see that there is more good than bad happening in this world. And, that you will add to the common good by being kind and caring to yourself and to others. Stay well by tuning in to your feelings, asking for help when you need it, looking out for one another, and having compassion for your fellow human beings.
Sincerely,
Editor, What’s Up